one day one of my friends asked me-wats best way to commit suicide?
i replied-why r u askin such stupid thing? y d hell u wanna do such a thing?
he looked into my eyes and asked-give me a good reason to live
i said-think wat ll happen to others who r connected to u . ur family ur friends ...
he said - i guess initially they may cry a bit but after that they ll ve less trouble which i use to create for them. i havent given them any reason to be happy or to smile so far..only troubled them and made them cry. so if i cant bring any joy by my living may be i can just reduce their sorrow a bit..

i looked at him..he walked away.. i just kept lookin at him disappearing away from my sight..

when you break down or get angry at least you are showing some emotion and but when I am not in a position to burst out my emotions it only builds up within. cant say what is going to happen but it is only adding ability to tolerate. tolerating has become a part of my life..from home to school to work to... i dont what next !!!but even this cant keep people happy..oh god! give me more strength so that i can do something which can bring some joy to some one's life..help me lord.

when the pain becomes unbearable and breaks your tolerance you cry expressing your hurt and pain. But beyond a limit the tears dry up and you dont cry anymore. The more you go through it the more stonelike you become; hardened up to face the eventualities of life. If a person is not able to vent out his feeling and frustrations for something he dislikes it shows he is afraid of something or someone. This fear haunts him day and night and for days and years and stays with him life long but no one understands the reason or cause of such behaviour. I wish i could share more...

i thought life was simple and and straightforward.
books made it look so easy. they never tell us about the real life complexities. they tell only about black and white in world. but now i feel its grey which is dominant color in this world. i guess i have not grown up yet. i still see things in black and white. am I still living in my dreams. oh yes...! my dreams had come true but i dont know what is going to happen when i wake up...i want my dream to last for ever coz' the world is much better in my dreams...
when you have decided to walk with someone forever. the world looks so bright when your feelings could be understood but when its deeply buried inside you and you are not able to express it to concerned person , the same world just seeps into darkness..
loneliness is there even though people appear around you..
i wish i could share my loneliness..

i wonder at times wat should i do wen things dont work to ur plan..shout at others..shout at urself..or jst go in to one corner push urself against the wall and face the consequences.....
its easy for people to follow the former two paths but it really takes ones character to standup to ur actions....
every one faces the same set of problems and he thinks his problems are toughest and others hav an easy path in life....may be some times i may also think like others but then it is important for a person to understand is he the only sufferer....
it is easy to choose between two dissimilar paths but it is really difficult to choose between two similar ones...in both the cases one has to give up some things to get the other things....
life is all bout wat choices one makes decides his ultimate destiny....

hello friends...i m back with my inner spirits rejuvenated and inspired...he he dnt wrry i ve nt yet become ne Godman or Baba all f a sudden..but the break frm mundane daily chores of college and goin to new place seems to ve provided me freshness.
although m goin to do same wrk again in college but the energy level has been boosted as if it has been infused by some magical touch of a fairy

the IPL fever seems to have caught to too many indians right now..people hav become couch potatoes..the total productivity level has shrunk and over all weight on earth has increased..imagine now that so far there were 8 teams and in total 60 matches were played spanning bout 45 days...now some idiot decided to wreak havoc in teh country and hence fancied the idea of including 2 new teams for IPL-4..now 34 more matches for over 2 months..wat a waste of time in india..more couch potatoes..more periods of no wrk and and high complacency creepin in..
but one thng that IPL has achieved besides unprecedented marketing blitzkrig is drop in the level of anti social activities across the country on the days of matches played than other days..may b those guys also wanna take a day off and munch some potatoes..

enough of IPL bashing..

good night

m back

after a refreshing gap m back..i ll b posting today but a bit busy right now with mumbai kolkata IPL match..keep waitin..

the little BOY..

Then he showed me a very nice photo of him where he was laughing. He then told me, "I also want mummy to take this photo with her so that she will not forget me."

I love my mummy and I wish she doesn't have to leave me but papa says that she has to go to be with my little sister."

Then he looked again at the doll with sad eyes, very quietly.I quickly reached for my wallet and took a few notes and said to the boy, "What if we checked again, just in case if you have enough money?"

"Ok," he said. "I hope that I have enough."

I added some of my money to his without him seeing and we started to count it. There was enough for the doll, and even some spare money.

The little boy said, "Thank you God for giving me enough money."

Then he looked at me and added, "I asked yesterday before I slept for God to
make sure I have enough money to buy this doll so that mummy can give it to my sister. He heard me."
"I also wanted to have enough money to buy a white rose for my mummy, but I didn't dare to ask God too much. But He gave me enough to buy the doll and the white rose."

"You know, my mummy loves white rose."

A few minutes later, the old lady came again and I left with my trolley. I finished my shopping in a totally different state from when I started. I couldn't get the little boy out of my mind.

Then I remembered a local newspaper article 2 days ago, which mentioned of a drunk man in a truck who hit a car where there was one young lady and a little girl. The little girl died right away, and the mother was left in a critical state. The family had to decide whether to pull the plug on the life-assisting machine, because the young lady would not be able to get out of the coma.

Was this the family of the little boy?

Two days after this encounter with the little boy, I read in the newspaper that the young lady had passed away.I couldn't stop myself and went to buy a bunch of white roses and I went to the mortuary where the body of the young woman was exposed for people to see and make last wish before burial.

She was there, in her coffin, holding a beautiful white rosein her hand with the photo of the little boy and the doll placed over her chest. I left the place crying, feeling that my life had been changed forever. The love that this little boy had for his mother and his sister is still, to that day, hard to imagine. And in a fraction of a second, a drunk man had taken all this away from him.

Confusius has rightly said"It does not matter how slowly you go,so long as you do not stop". that is how one's attitude should be in life...you ll be thinking i am getting philosphical..well i am feeling like it today because i feel so awake..what a high..i should feel like it every day....but then is it possible to feel like this every day???its difficult but its possible...today man is tangled in his own cobwebs and he himself is to be blamed for his sufferings...we have so many things on our mind at a single time..money,job,family,society.

people have become self occupied..and they are running blind race madly..dont have idea where they are heading to but still wanna run..soon they deviate from the path and after becoming tired when they open their eyes..they find themselves in hinterland..by that time it may become very difficult to retrace the path to go back but its not impossible..

those who realise it and have inner faith in themselves eventually get back on right path but for others who are so exhausted that they either continue the same path or end it there abruptly..its here where ones self belief helps him and here he has to take the right path peace of mind...and he has to strive to have that peace of soul every day and not just for one day...this is possible only when we are slow but steadily moving on the path of virtues...

some one has rightly said "The most wasted day is that in which we have not laughed." and i laughed today..was bedazzled by the performance of Chhaao dance..we urbanised people are losing our such heritage which we should all be proud of. we Indians do not respect wat we have got till some one from west starts calling it as his and we then we shake ourselves from slumber..
we are fast losing our traditional dance and music which are dying a slow death because today we are not aware of them. even if we are aware of it we tend to ignore it..the root cause is not the lack of interest in indian classical or traditional dance and music but the lack of commercial viability of such art as a career or profession which some critics may say is again due to lack of interest among people.but i must say interest is developed in certain thing only when one is exposed to it..if the such artists are vanishing it is because that art is not sustaining them...that is one reason we are not exposed to so many such wonderful pieces of art.

capitalists may say indian classical or traditional dance and music doesnt sell but some one has to take the lead some where and make it sell..SPIC MACAY is doing a wonderful work by promoting indian art forms among budding indians because onus lies on us to preserve our culture and tradition...solution to such is to make commercial viability of our traditional and classical art forms so that more and more people can take it up as profession, only then may be our grand children will be able to witness such art forms live otherwise they will have to be content with archive videos.

i hope some philanthropic corporate will take up this issue seriously and help restore our culture and tradition where it rightly belongs..may Mr. Mallaya reads my blog some day..son this note signing off for today..

good night..

longest day in nitie
a really bad day..screwed up in the grades..too many lectures...animated profs..mumbai heat..and feeling of lonliness..
i think it was my longest day in nitie so far, lecture frm 9.30 in morning to 9 in night..oops thats a really really long day( we r not used to so many lectures in one day here..)but i guess u can easily walk into any class an hour late and still get full attendance...i also gettin impulsed to do the same..may b some other day..
but on a serious note it was really loooooonggggggg day for me..feeling of lonliness i guess..seconds crawled at hours pace..i still have so many such seconds to go by...
cant even watch those stupid sitcoms (my roomie is glued to his lappy watchin HIMYM) which whole nitie seems so desperate to watch..i guess my taste buds need to be relaid..is there any sitcom like "HIMHF" (plz do let me knw if there s one)
i think i should lay my self in bed now..i hope i ll have better time in dreams..i ve got a mail now bout similar classes tomorrow also..ohhh God.. i m havin nightmares now...
guys i m goin offline and shutting down this stupid lappy otherwise i ll pull off my little reaming hairs also.
good night..hope u people have better time..i thnk i m really missin smthng

a Dull day..
sorry people it was such a dull day yesterday, i had nthng to post. call it hangover of holi the hostel wore a deserted look as if everyone has been bit by sleepin bug. well it seems like very hectic day at school today..classes from 9.30 morning to 8.30 night just breakin off for lunch..huh..wat an joke.
i can see still few people walkin like zombie in corridor..myself also being one of them..may be i will doze off in dbms lecture today(nothing new in it..i doze off in other lectures too especially the one where prof professes about managing Human Resources..OMG wat m i doin!! Zzz..)
wen it seemed like our hockey was comin back on track after india thrashed pakistan in the world cup and people were begining to say "fir dil do hockey ko" fortunes seemed to reverse with india on receiving end this time against aussies. indian media blamed some englishman who was racist in slapping 3 match ban on our star forward..i guess it was more of defensive lapses on players..lets keep a close watch on fortunes of indian hockey..i seriously hope somthing good happens otherwise cricket more aptly IPL will ruin india..people will bunk classes, offices and waste 3 hrs watchin the match and another 5 hrs discussin over it..kids wont b able to concentrate on their exams (i also my exams during IPL) ..i wish IPL vanishes forever..but wish to see sachin play for another 20 years..
i think it enough for today...

cheers

HOLI
although its cliche but holi is one truly global indian festival...people lose their skin color and wear color of oneness..
its was same here today in campus. guys and gals all mixed up together to celebrate the festival of joy..started with dry colors but soon bhaang and music got better of people and then there was wat i call real holi..there was black,green,red, silver all sorts of paints and colors..there was quintessential Kichad and Kurta Faad Holi..but here i was just watching the spectacle not being a part of the melle..all seemed to goin fine today after all it was festval of joy...
there are lots of mythological stories behind holi..i used to read and listen to such stories as kid and used to think why cant we celebrate more of holi not because i was thinkin bout secular or communal harmony but this day maa made lots of pakwaans and i used gorge upon them..wearing new clothes and visitin friends in evenings and meetin all and havin fun was that mattered to me..the day seemed to finish very early..goin to class next day was the one thing i hated most..tomorrow we have a class and the starst with HR lecture..gosh..i m thinkin bout bunkin classes tomorrow..
well thngs have changed over years but holi has not..and although there wasnt any new clothes, there wernt pakwaans made by maa..there arent friends whom u could meet in evening..but still it was a memorable day for me...new friends new places but same old holi for me..
wish u all happy holi..play safe.. and eat a lot.....

1st day

well many one of u ll b wonderin why m startin so late......well i think its better late than never ....although i had one which was a crap and i deleted it.. wat better day to start it all over again than a day before Holi..although it is Holi is some parts of India..i wish all those celebrating Holi today to have a colorful and safe Holi..i feel Holi is one festival which is truly Indian..no caste no religion no gender biases on this day..i miss my school days holi a lot..well i ll write more about my Holi experiences tomorrow wen i celebrate Holi..so all those celebrating Holi today i.e. my friends in Bengal..hav blast...
As i keep on writin i ll keep on writin smthng bout my past..my day as it happens and thngs that are goin to happen...

thnx to all
bhawesh